What is forgiveness? An intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger. One of the hardest things to do is to forgive others. We have all been there where sometimes we need to do the forgiving and at other times, we are the ones asking for forgiveness. Sometimes we forgive people who haven’t even asked for forgiveness.  

The truth is we all want to be perfect and never make mistakes. Sometimes though, we say or do the wrong thing. Sometimes other people say or do the wrong thing to us. The only way to never get hurt is to not interact with others or have relationships.  

Since people don’t normally live alone on an island, sooner or later something will happen where people will get their feelings hurt. So, what happens when people hurt us so deeply that thinking about forgiving sounds and feels impossible? When we don’t forgive, we keep that resentment, anger, and sadness inside. It slowly consumes us and leaves us feeling drained. Being upset at someone takes a lot of energy and effort. Every time we think about the thing that they did wrong; our anger just grows and grows. The more questions we ask, the worse we feel. It might sound like a logical thing to want to get some answers. However, sometimes the answers can hurt us more and still leave us feeling empty because we didn’t get the closure that we expected. We think that by holding on to our anger we are hurting the other person. The reality is that we are only hurting ourselves, our health, and even those closest to us. Forgiveness is more for the person doing the forgiving than the person receiving forgiveness.   

When someone does something bad to us, you might think that you could never forgive them. This is an important moment to understand what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness does not mean that you are required to have a relationship with the person who hurt you. It also doesn’t mean forgetting what happened and just pretending that everything is alright. Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean that that person can be part of your life again and you are supposed to trust them like you did before.  

People might feel that by forgiving, the person who hurt them is getting away with whatever they did. Maybe they are getting away with it, but by you letting go, you are releasing yourself from that prison too. Once you forgive, that person or persons will no longer occupy mental space in your mind. You might even feel lighter. Like you let go of a really heavy weight.  

Last, how do you know when you have forgiven someone? When you don’t feel the need to bring up the transgression to the person who hurt you or even to others. If you do happen to bring up the transgression, you no longer feel all those negative emotions.  Life can sometimes feel unfair and bad things do happen to good people. However, when we don’t forgive, it keeps us trapped in a prison where we have given the key to the person who hurt us. Life is too short to be unhappy. Set yourself free!