Saying goodbye to friends can be extremely hard, especially if you’ve known them for a long time. Sometimes, the longer you’ve known someone, the more memories you share with them. Friendships can end for various reasons; people may grow apart, their values might change, or life circumstances like relocation or family commitments can intervene. As people grow older, responsibilities increase, leaving less time for leisure activities like spending time with friends. The realization that adult life entails making more decisions, but having less free time can be sobering. When friendships aren’t nurtured, they can fade away. What makes losing a friend particularly challenging is the vision of a lifelong bond you might have harbored. It becomes even more complex if the lost friend was your best friend. Finding another best friend and trusting again can seem daunting. So, what should you do when you lose a precious friend you thought would be there forever? Here are three steps to help heal your wounds: 

First, acknowledge that losing a friendship can be akin to losing a romantic partner. Give yourself permission to feel both the good and bad emotions associated with the loss. Don’t ignore those uncomfortable feelings since doing so can keep you stuck. Allow yourself time to grieve without rushing the process. Self-compassion and self-care are crucial during this period.  

Second, if closure is lacking, consider writing a letter to your former friend. Pour out your unfiltered feelings—recall the good and bad times, express what you don’t understand, and articulate what you wish you’d said. Allow yourself to feel everything that you need to feel without judgement. This is part of the healing process. This cathartic exercise is primarily for your healing; whether or not you send the letter is up to you. The main point of this exercise is for you to have closure. If you prefer, after you finish writing your letter, you can rip it or burn it. No one needs to read it.  

Third, when you are ready, give yourself the opportunity to meet new people. It can feel hard to trust again after losing someone that you cared about so deeply. Your head might also be telling you to just keep everyone at a distance, so you won’t get hurt again. After all, no one likes to be in pain and there is no antidote for a broken heart. Only time can heal those wounds. However, by being brave and putting yourself out there, this can give you the opportunity to meet some wonderful people, maybe even a best friend. As tempting as it is to protect yourself, give yourself the chance to step into the unknown. Relationships are essential to having a healthy life. Nothing beats being surrounded by people who care about you and have your best interest in mind. 

Ultimately, you’re in control of how you navigate life post-friendship loss. It’s okay if you’re not ready to embark on new connections immediately. However, when you are ready to try again, be open to opportunities but don’t force anything. After all, you want something genuine that comes from the heart. Be receptive to opportunities and remember that not everyone is meant to be a lifelong companion. Treasure the lessons learned, practice self-care and self-compassion, and be your own best friend.