Making new friends can be hard. There are many adults who struggle to put themselves out there. Especially when they have experienced rejection in the past. Even kids sometimes struggle to make friends because they are shy or maybe their parents never taught them how to engage in healthy relationships. Some parents don’t even have friends themselves, so they tell their kids that they don’t need friends. That their friends are their family. Making new friends gets more complicated when people have experienced trauma, and they don’t know how to trust or relate to others. However, we all want to be included and be part of a group. It is just human nature to want to be with people that care about you and have your best interest in mind. A group of people you can trust and be vulnerable with who won’t judge you. 

Kids might have an easier time making new friends since they are with the same people every single day. Kids also don’t have as many responsibilities as adults, so they have more time to interact with their peers. As kids start growing up, their preferences change, and they get exposed to a larger group of people. When kids become teenagers, they start to explore what they like and dislike. What values and beliefs they want to keep and which ones they want to discard. This is also when they are trying to find their place in this world and fit in with a certain group or groups.  

When you are an adult, your biggest opportunity to make friends comes from your job. After all, you guys see each other every day so it is easier to establish deeper relationships. But what should you look for when you are trying to make new friends? How can you decide if a person has the potential to be a friend or will it be better to just keep them as an acquaintance? What makes friends and acquaintances different? One of the things to look for is do you guys share the same values and beliefs. Everything doesn’t have to be the same. However, it is hard to get close to someone when you guys don’t agree on stuff or see life the same way. The second thing would be to look for people who like to do the same things that you do. For example, if you like to exercise, joining a gym can help you interact with people who also value exercise and a healthy lifestyle. If you like a particular hobby, you can find a group that is interested in the same thing. Third, if you have a dog, you can go to a dog park and interact with others who also have pets. People love to talk about their dogs and show each other pictures of their four-legged family member. Fourth, just smile and see who returns your smile. No one likes to approach someone who looks like they have something against the world. A smile can go a long way and make you look more approachable.  

The truth is we all want to have strong friendships and be invited to things. We all want to be part of a group and be surrounded by people that we care about and admire. Friendships are very important. Being surrounded by the right people is even more important. Finding people that accept you, where you can be your authentic self might be hard to find. However, don’t settle for anything less because you will always feel like you are missing out on something important. It is also not about the quantity but the quality of those relationships. You can be surrounded by a multitude and still feel alone. Find people who will be there for the good times and the bad times. People who can make you laugh, or if you need to cry, who will be there to support you while you are going through a hard time. There is so much freedom in being your authentic self. The right people will celebrate your authentic self instead of just making you feel like they tolerate you out of necessity. People are waiting to meet you so go out there and start making new friends!