One of the hardest things to do in life is to remember to speak kindly to ourselves. In consequence, self-acceptance seems like an impossible goal to achieve. With so many self-help books that promise to get you closer to that goal, it still feels like we will never get there. However, it is important to not overcomplicate things. Sometimes keeping things simple can help us concentrate on the things that really matter. When you think about self-acceptance, what comes to mind? Surely you have heard this term before. I wonder if animals and insects have an easier time because they just accept who they are and they move on. Here are three reasons that might be keeping you from accepting yourself and how to overcome these obstacles.  

The first reason that might be keeping you from accepting yourself is that you talk to yourself in a negative manner. You believe that the tougher you are on yourself, the better results you will achieve. Sometimes we learn this from our parents who talked to us harshly when we didn’t produce the results that they wanted. Shame and guilt might have been associated with letting down those around us. To avoid feeling shameful again, you might push yourself past your limits. You might be thinking that talking to yourself negatively will help you to do better next time. It might help for a little while. However, you will soon realize that your self-esteem is in shambles because of all the terrible things that you have been saying to yourself. Making yourself feel less than and punishing yourself is no way to live. Also, the tougher you are on yourself, the tougher you are on those around you. Expecting perfection when everyone knows it is unachievable. How can you build yourself up and feel confident when you keep on tearing yourself down? Talking to yourself in a harsh manner is not beneficial at all. You are worth so much more than what you are trying to achieve. Being compassionate and caring towards yourself can help you achieve so much more. If you notice yourself being critical and judgmental in your head, challenge those thoughts! Don’t let those thoughts find a permanent home in your head. 

The second reason why self-acceptance might be eluding you is because you tell yourself that the only way you will accept yourself is if you reach a certain goal. This way of thinking is especially common when it comes to weight loss. You might be thinking that once you are at your ideal weight and lose those extra pounds, then you will be able to accept your body. You will finally be happy. Self-acceptance will finally be within reach. Some people like to buy clothes in a smaller size in hopes that one day they will lose weight and fit into those clothes.  However, we forget that our body does so much more than just look pretty. Our body keeps us alive, helps us to move, keeps us warm, and so many more things. It is such an intricate machine that we need different doctors to cure different parts of our body. If we learned to appreciate our body for all it does for us, we wouldn’t hate ourselves so much. We would learn to accept ourselves at any size because of all our body is doing to keep us breathing.  

Third, you have a hard time accepting yourself because those around you don’t accept you for who you really are and are constantly trying to change you. Sometimes family places the biggest obstacle when it comes to self-acceptance. Children want to make their parents proud and follow their advice, but sometimes their goals don’t match. An example that comes to mind is when parents want their kids to be doctors or lawyers, but their children don’t find those careers interesting. It is hard to tell mom and dad that you want to pursue a different career. The thought of disappointing your parents can be paralyzing. However, it is essential that you follow your own dreams. By picking a career you enjoy, you will be happier and more at peace. At the end of the day, your parents just want you to be happy and be successful. Sometimes it is not your parents’ approval that you are seeking but the approval of those around you. We all want to be part of the group and be invited to things. However, it is important to understand that you won’t fit in with everyone and that is alright. There are people out there that value and believe the same things that you do and will accept you for who you are, instead of who you are trying to be. The biggest freedom comes when you accept yourself. Finding the right people will help you to feel seen and appreciated.  After all, you only get one life. It is up to you to decide how you want to live it.  

Self-acceptance sounds easy to do but hard to put into practice. The more you stay true to yourself, to your likes, and dislikes, the freer you will feel. We all want everyone to like us, but unfortunately this won’t always happen. The most important thing is that you like yourself and you accept yourself. It takes bravery to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are enough just as you are. We are all different, beautiful, and unique in our own ways. It is our job to see all this first, so the world can follow suit!